Tonight is a night to think, to recoil, to go back to
past. I shall look out towards the sky and see if I can find a new bright
star other than usual ones. I am sure
she will wait for us to see her there before she departs for her final abode
leaving us all to move on. An icon of
generation gone. A saga perished.
It wasn't easy for Mother of three children to mend for
them when she was living alone with them. With husband away for years on some
assignment and the onus to look after three kids falling on that poor mother
years back. That was the time this angel whom we knew as "NANI" came into being.
We spent our early years with her. I still recall her emotion filled voice
calling us for milk, and food. My mom wasn't well for a long time and
we were practically in the overall care of our Nani.
She wouldn't sleep unless we slept off first. Her musical hymn would
always drift us into the lap of tranquil sleep. She would always be the first to
get up giving us bath, cleaning us, feeding us and playing with us. I
still cherish those evening walks with her in the market holding her fragile hand and
enjoying those sweets which she would invariably buy for us.
She had some life.
Raising two sons and three daughters couldn't have been easy for her. Living in
a small house in a small remote place in UP with meager income of a school
master in those days, it was an ardent task, walking on a tight rope all the
time, looking after such a large family. And then God decided to test her more
when all of a sudden her elder son started getting fits. He would run away from home in the night and would be lost for days.
Sometime he would return back home with stone marks all over his body.
Obviously people took pleasure throwing stones on a freaky guy even in those
days. She would look after him, feed him, take him to various doctors
and even to Tantriks and Baba,s, but all for no results. Nanaji, was
a humble small framed person and wasn't keeping well and then one day he just
passed away leaving a strange void in the family. His departure brought another
catastrophe in the family with her youngest daughter losing her mind too. This was followed with long years of treatment with various doctors and people but to no cause.
She lived to see a grown up son and daughter
getting deranged. How tough it must have been for her to live in a house with two grown up children in this state while doing everything for them, right for cleaning them and making them eat with her own hands. Added with this, we three kids also added on her misery with my Mom not keeping well and bed ridden for months.
I however never saw any misery in her eyes. Always found that soft touch of motherhood and soothing sainthood. From where did she
get all that stamina and energy in that fragile 5 ft body is something
mystifying. How could a person face so
much and yet retain her sanity and still afford to smile. She struggled all her
life. She lived to see her son and daughter getting cremated in a year's gap.
She must have nerves of steel and emotions for endless tests.
Many years later, I saw her smiling and looking at me
with her mist filled eyes and blessing me when I handed over my new born son in
her hands. I remembered how delicately
she lifted him, with her fragile, thin hands, holding him in her lap and
kissing him on his forehead.
Today I got the news of her passing away, just when I was about to leave for a party with a colleague. I didn't know if I was shocked or just numb for a while. I knew she was on her last lag of her time . We knew she wud go any day. Still the sudden revelation shook me. And then the fact downed that we all will die one day. How where and when, nobody knows. I guess she got liberated finally from this bondage of affection and pain. She lived her life and showed us the raw intemperate determination a person can generate.
When I see myself,I feel so small. How big this world is and how irrelevant my presence appears. And when I think of our earth and ponder over the depth of this abyss Universe, I feel how small our lone abode is. Life appears
trivially small and insignificant. And then this comparison goes on. The vastness and infinite enormity of this nature baffles me. It forces me to think what I am and how ludicrously small and insignificant my existence is in this whole fantastic design.
For you my dearest Nani, I pray and utter these words….
NANI dear, you helped the helpless who could not
help you. You befriended the friendless who could not be your friend. You died
the death of braving and courage. You will come back in this great circle. You
will be born again higher in the great circle for your deeds will not go
unrewarded. I,ve sung , so the spirit of
the circle of life will hear my humble song for you'.
May God rest your soul!!!!! Adieu!!!!!!
